321...ohmm!

Done with my sadness. Did a read and breathing, now feeling better. Changed the playlist. Finished with that chapter of my life. Now on to the next volume of My Story.




The Death card is my Solution, don't worry I'm not suicidal. But it does make sense now.

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Here I go again...

Geez another move, I've moved so many times I've lost count. I'm finding it hard to pack. I've come across old love letters and Nikki's clothes. Why do I hold onto this stuff? Ealier I burned my roughdrafts of a Valentines poem I'd written for her. But when it comes that which she's given me, I can't do it. Instead I reread and have my pity party of tears thinking about where I went wrong, what could I've done to make us work. And it probably doesn't help that I'm listening to Rest in Pieces by Saliva.







I feel dead inside my heart.

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My Program

I use to dream and plan my wedding all the time. But I've come to realize after every break up I had to change it cause of course I'd cater the wedding to the likes of my partner and I. So knowing better now I've decided to plan something that never has to change. My funeral program. No it's not morbid. And since the last 4 nights I've dreamt the same dream of my death and funeral, I feel it's appropriate to prepare a format of what I would like to have done in honor of my life.

I want to be cremated and have my ashes spread on the ocean of southern Cali since I was born and raised there. I only want my immediate family and closest friends on the boat or at the pier...honestly it doesn't have to be expensive. (I'm dead, so it won't kill me..hehe)

I do not want a service in any religious buildings. I'd like my siblings to have a celebration of life in the form of a BBQ preferably at one of their homes an open house potluck style. Please have a sing along. Let's keep it light and fun. Keep it simple.

I will make sure that my finances are in order. And even though I don't have much I am writing a will to make sure all is taken care of. And if I get more time than I'll probably end up filming my will and editing too!

Ok that's what I have for now.

Sometimes

I just want to hide from everyone


But instead here I am
Open & broken
For everyone to see
But they don't
So I continue on

Location:Dreams

I Love to EAT...

Healthy = Skinny?

Listening to the audio book Skinny Bitch...mmm definitely a plot to convert to the vegan lifestyle. I enjoy learning more about how I can take better care of myself. I'm not disagreeing with what I'm listening too. I just know myself enough that yes I can eat more vegan, vegetarian, & pescatarian meals in my life...but I crave meats once in a while and I don't believe in denying my wants. I just try to eat smaller portions now :)

Healthy = Happy (that's what I believe and work towards)


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Independence Day

I had a nice relaxing 4th celebrating with family & friends. Green apple Smirnoff's are my new favorite drink of choice. Nothing like a nice buzz, good food, and fun company to chat & chill with. Watched the firework show from the pier...next year I plan on making my own ;) But seriously I am. Anyways life is good here on Catalina.


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6 down 6 to go

Yes! It is July. Please come out Sun! Another 6 months to finish off this "eventful" year. Reflecting on the past 6 months (because I do that alot) I've seen changes within myself.

My heart will never love the same and I consider that to be a good change. I feel I know who I am and what I would do for the womyn I love. I feel I've raised my standards when it comes to my choice in womyn. And I have my friend Mel to thank for that. It's true, the older you get the pickier you get when it comes to matters of the heart. No longer can I use my age to be young and naive. I know better now.

Family. I love them so much. No matter what bad shit happens between family I know that with time and love all issues can be worked through. My relationships with my sisters(& sister nieces) have had the opportunity to strengthen and it continues. I have quality friends whom I consider to be my family too. Greg & Ui I will always have much love for them and their wonderful families. I am truly blessed to be loved by my amazing family & friends.

Taking charge of my life has been rewarding and can be difficult too. I look forward to a better stronger future. Living in the now to ensure my happiness.


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