The New Girl in Town

Isn't she beautiful? I love my new phone! I went from a dinosaur flip phone to a sexy sleek iphone and I'm never going back! I'm enjoying downloading all sorts of apps! My new trusty companion that won't let me down. If I'm bored I can play games, surf the internet, catch up with friends via text or call...so many possibilities! My investment into my phone aka "New Girlfriend" has already been reciprocated and will continue to brighten up my days. Funny, but so true! And if any harm should fall upon my girl, thank goodness for insurance!!! I'm covered for all damages except Lost or Stolen...but I don't worry about that! My girl will always be by my side and I'll never let her out of my sight! =) If you don't have an I phone go get one! You will not be dissatisfied!

My Valentine

Yes, Valentine's Day is totally overrated when you're single! But 3 years ago I started to care about this holiday because for the first time I felt thought of. Pleasantly suprised to walk into work 3 years ago, I had a beautiful bouquet of red roses, balloons and a box of chocolates waiting for me. I was thrilled to be thought of in such a personal way. It was all for me, and had me genuinely smiling for days. That was the turning point for me and my expectations were set. Last year I was a bit disappointed that I wasn't thought of as I had been the year before. And this year I was looking forward too make it really romantic. Sadly I was dumped 2 weeks before. But its all good because I still was able to celebrate the love with my sister Alberta =) She came out here to be with me as my heart is healing and to help me reflect. As I poured out my heart to her I realized the changes I needed to make in order to move forward positively with my life. I'm so thankful for my sister and the support and love she has shown me. I consider myself very blessed with the relationship that I have with my sisters and with my close friends. I'm coming to realize what true friends really are. I am a Romantic at heart, and one day I know that I will fully be appreciated and I will fully appreciate the woman in my life. But as for now I am happy to be who am and know I am loved.

Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow

What I want

I cannot say

My beliefs

I hide away

Holding back

I scream inside

I open up

And out spill lies

To cover up

The mess I've made

Because what I want

I cannot say...

I wrote this poem back in 2008 after I had fully come out to my family that I was gay. It was one of the hardest things I've had to do in life. But its definitely been the best thing I've done for myself. At times I wish being who I am was easier. There was a time I thought perhaps I could be bi or that being a lesbian was just a phase. But the truth is this, I Love the presence, the smell, the taste, the touch, the companionship and understanding of a Woman. Nikki is the only person in the world that I want to share the rest of my life with. I love her in all ways possible and we're not even an item anymore. Now that I know what I want in my life and I'm no longer afraid to say it.

What I Want

Is to be Loved

For Who I Am

To be Thought of

To Live a Life

Filled with Laughter

To Pursue My Happily Ever After

I Am Your Daughter

Sister, Family, Friend

So Please do not let My Happiness

Be Our End

Love is Love

I know this True

Because No Matter What Happens

I Still Love You

R.I.P

Tears

My Closest Friends

Caress

My Face

I’m Alone

Cool the Heat

My Frustrations

I Yearn for

Sleep

Calm My Heart

To Dream of Hopes

Instead of

Thinking of What’s Not

Sad, Empty, Lonely

Eyes Shut

Quiet Stillness

Online Tutorials

I can't help but watch how to make different eye make up effects! It's so beautiful! I just bought a 120 palette of eye shadows and am happily awaiting their delivery. I spent a total of about $18 on Ebay and this includes the shipping and handling. I already know I'll love the product because my sister Karess already has one and I love hers! It's said that

"The Eyes are the Mirror of the Soul"

, so I'm going to make sure my eyes are as beautiful as my soul. Cause I just know my soul is

GORGEOUS!!!

Challenge of the Week

EXERCISE x 2

I've decided that every week I'm going to set a new challenge for myself to keep me busy and active. And after I complete the week, I will continue on with whatever it is that I choose. Last week's challenge was to write a blog everyday. I will continue to do that for the rest of the year. This week's challenge is to attend exercise classes twice a day (Monday-Friday). I have it all planned out and can already check off Monday. So here's my plan for the week:

Monday

830 am to 930 am Cardio/Weights/Step Class aka Karla's Class (Intense!!!)

6 pm to 7 pm Yoga w/Angelah (Love IT!!! Namaste!!!)

Tuesday

830 am to 930 am Spin (I tried this for the first time last week, all I can say is OMG!!!!)

6 pm to 7 pm Zumba (I Love to DANCE!!!)

Wednesday

830 am to 930 am Karla's Class

6 pm to 7 pm Yoga w/Angelah

Thursday

830 am to 930 am Spin

6 pm to 7 pm Yoga W/Jen

Friday

6 am to 7 am Spin (Crazy Early!!! But there's no PM classes on Friday!)

830 am to 930 am Karla's Class

I chose to increase my exercise classes so I can start my day off right and finish it off well. I plan to be busy and tired!!! Just what I need! I'm so stoked to accomplishing this task. I totally know I can do it and it's so worth the money. Getting and staying healthy is very important to me. I'm not getting any younger and it's about time I started to really take care of myself. Well I better get to sleep! Early to bed, early to rise, will help me become HEALTHY WEALTHY & WISE!!!

Inspiration

I will be moving into my one bedroom apartment this upcoming month and this is the view I will be waking up to. I'm so thankful for this change and I look forward to living my life here on Catalina. Work is good and I've been making friends too. Starting over is never easy, but it is definitely something I'm very use too. Hopefully I can settle down and plant some roots here. Only time will tell.

Ladies Night

Patron, Zucchini Fries, Arugula Salad, an Ahi Burger w/fries and an Expresso Mousse was what I ate tonight and I enjoyed all of it! Going out with the girls for drinks, dinner and great conversation was a nice treat to end such a full day of work. I'm really beginning to love where I live. Especially since I'll be moving into my new apartment in March! A topic that stood out in my mind tonight was Pursuing ones Passion. I have alot of interests and I know bodywork is a passion of mine. But I feel like there's something more out there that I should be pursuing also. So I've decided to keep my mind open to everything and anything going on in life and then seeing if I can put together a passion to pursue.

Smile

Smile though your heart is aching
Smile even though it's breaking.
When there are clouds in the sky
you'll get by.

If you smile through your pain and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll see the sun come shining through
For you.

Light up your face with gladness,
Hide every trace of sadness.
Although a tear may be ever so near
That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying.
You'll find that life is still worthwhile-
If you just smile.

These lyrics are helping me from day to day to stay positive and keep moving forward with my Life. I know that the Journey of Life isn't all fun and games, and though it sometimes feels easier to just give up and wallow in ones sorrow I try to remember how much more rewarding my Life will be if I stay true to myself and close to those who Love me. I know I'm far from being perfect and that I will make mistakes, HUGE mistakes throughout my Life. But I am Blessed to be surrounded by those who care about me. So I will make it through my feelings of sadness, failure, rejection, and heartache. I will find the Love of my Life yet again.

The M Word...not Marriage

I'm talking about Masturbation. Yep, I said it. Masturbation. You know, self sexual stimulation. And guess what? I do it too! hahaha...But seriously I do. I do it so much that I looked up online to see if it was unhealthy. Quite the opposite. There's so many benefits to self pleasuring that I'm definitely pro masturbation. There's nothing wrong with knowing what your body likes. Yes, growing up this was not a subject to ever bring up to Mom or even Sister. And when it comes to church it was just plain wrong and I must remember that my body is a Temple. I've come to disagree with that statement. Because my body is a Temple I've chosen to know just how to take care of it. Besides pleasing it sexually, I'm teaching myself how to keep it healthy. And a happy healthy sex life is one of the many key components to accomplishing keeping my Temple balanced. I know not everyone agrees with that, and that's fine, whatever works for you. But the following is a little poem I put together today. Enjoy!

When I'm up in bed and can't get to sleep

I rub one out

Instead of counting sheep

When I'm in the shower and feel in a bad mood

I rub one out

Making room for a better attitude

When I know someone loves me but is far away

I rub one out

Until she comes to stay

It's never too early

It's never too late

To rub one out

Yes, Masturbate!

Beautiful

I never understood when my past significant others would say:

"You're so beautiful."

Quickly following with:

"But...." blah blah blah... we're heading towards a break up.

So I'm talking to a friend today about this and how hurt I would feel when hearing such a thing. Because in my head I'm wondering. If I'm so beautiful then why are you leaving me? She brought it to my attention that why did the two have to correlate with each other? You are beautiful, and "so and so" is choosing not to be with you due to other reasons. Why was I allowing my value of self to depreciate when feeling abandoned? And why is it when I am "loved" do I feel at my highest value? Why can't my self love be enough for me? In short why am I not satisfied with myself that I need outside approval? Food for thought, food for thought.

Back Combing and Palm Rolling

Yesterday I had fun maintaining my Brother Hagoth's dreads. It can be a timely process but it's very cool for me to be a part of the journey he has embarked on with his lovely locks. I've been able to see them form from the beginning and I look forward to seeing their continuing growth. I'm not a hairdresser but thank goodness for youtube! That's how I learned how to maintain dreads. I've toyed with the idea of embracing dreads also. But I've come to the decision that I'm not ready for them yet. I'm gonna keep rockin my current do for now. The best part about doing his dreads is that we get to spend time together and good memories that will always be special to me =)