All You Can Jet

First Stop
Utah
Spent time with my besty Ui in Saratoga Springs.


Remember locking ourselves out of the house so we could have better lighting for our pic? Goodtimes! I also got a new haircut from my favorite hair stylist Gairyn.


Celebrated Tama's 3rd Birthday! Thomas the Train theme :)


Lots of fun decorating and eating yummyness!


Utah was my family stop and well worth it.

Summer Summary

I got my sexy back...thanks boys!


I became a Sun loving, coffee scrubbing, beach bum.


Found my long lost Moon Sista Ali, and started Body Harmonics. Esoteric dancing, ohms, and stretching helped me to let my inner Goddess shine.


Massaged in Catalina, when I wanted too. Being an Independent Contractor totally rocks.


I "Dared to be Vulnerable" (retreat) and met like minded peers. Science of the Mind, it's a philosophy, not a religion.


Bought a magical pass on Jet Blue to visit and explore. Oh the places I'll go...


To be continued...

A Work in Progress

I've cut back on working and I'm playing more. Playing? I define as taking time for myself to enjoy what I supposedly work so hard for. I'm a lot more simple than I thought. Enjoying the company of good friends, conversation, and taking in the beauty of the ocean. I'm also learning better ways to take care of my health, physically and spiritually. I finally found what Ive yearned for, for such a long time. Me, just me. I love myself for the beautiful Goddess I am today and not stuck on the idea of striving towards becoming that Divine being in the afterlife. I feel stronger than ever before and I'm ready to be.


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Happy

Finally moved out and in my new place. Life is no longer gray and daunting because I've had my Aha! moment and I know what I'm to do. My life is a retreat and so each day I live my retreat I'm blessed with a calmness to my spirit and a reassurance of what I'm doing is right for me.

Yesterday was a beautiful day I spent outside communing with Mother Nature. Went with my Moon sistas to coffee scrub at Lovers Cove. Always an invigorating experience!


Sunday I went kayaking with Jacque to Frog point. It was so much fun being on the water and talking about life. I picked up some rocks with plant fossil imprints which I brought home to put out as a decoration piece. Sea glass is so cool too, I've started to collect.

There's so much beauty on this island and that makes me so happy to be a part of it all. I'm glad I moved out of my old place. I'm feeling a lot lighter in my mood.


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321...ohmm!

Done with my sadness. Did a read and breathing, now feeling better. Changed the playlist. Finished with that chapter of my life. Now on to the next volume of My Story.




The Death card is my Solution, don't worry I'm not suicidal. But it does make sense now.

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Here I go again...

Geez another move, I've moved so many times I've lost count. I'm finding it hard to pack. I've come across old love letters and Nikki's clothes. Why do I hold onto this stuff? Ealier I burned my roughdrafts of a Valentines poem I'd written for her. But when it comes that which she's given me, I can't do it. Instead I reread and have my pity party of tears thinking about where I went wrong, what could I've done to make us work. And it probably doesn't help that I'm listening to Rest in Pieces by Saliva.







I feel dead inside my heart.

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My Program

I use to dream and plan my wedding all the time. But I've come to realize after every break up I had to change it cause of course I'd cater the wedding to the likes of my partner and I. So knowing better now I've decided to plan something that never has to change. My funeral program. No it's not morbid. And since the last 4 nights I've dreamt the same dream of my death and funeral, I feel it's appropriate to prepare a format of what I would like to have done in honor of my life.

I want to be cremated and have my ashes spread on the ocean of southern Cali since I was born and raised there. I only want my immediate family and closest friends on the boat or at the pier...honestly it doesn't have to be expensive. (I'm dead, so it won't kill me..hehe)

I do not want a service in any religious buildings. I'd like my siblings to have a celebration of life in the form of a BBQ preferably at one of their homes an open house potluck style. Please have a sing along. Let's keep it light and fun. Keep it simple.

I will make sure that my finances are in order. And even though I don't have much I am writing a will to make sure all is taken care of. And if I get more time than I'll probably end up filming my will and editing too!

Ok that's what I have for now.

Sometimes

I just want to hide from everyone


But instead here I am
Open & broken
For everyone to see
But they don't
So I continue on

Location:Dreams

I Love to EAT...

Healthy = Skinny?

Listening to the audio book Skinny Bitch...mmm definitely a plot to convert to the vegan lifestyle. I enjoy learning more about how I can take better care of myself. I'm not disagreeing with what I'm listening too. I just know myself enough that yes I can eat more vegan, vegetarian, & pescatarian meals in my life...but I crave meats once in a while and I don't believe in denying my wants. I just try to eat smaller portions now :)

Healthy = Happy (that's what I believe and work towards)


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Independence Day

I had a nice relaxing 4th celebrating with family & friends. Green apple Smirnoff's are my new favorite drink of choice. Nothing like a nice buzz, good food, and fun company to chat & chill with. Watched the firework show from the pier...next year I plan on making my own ;) But seriously I am. Anyways life is good here on Catalina.


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6 down 6 to go

Yes! It is July. Please come out Sun! Another 6 months to finish off this "eventful" year. Reflecting on the past 6 months (because I do that alot) I've seen changes within myself.

My heart will never love the same and I consider that to be a good change. I feel I know who I am and what I would do for the womyn I love. I feel I've raised my standards when it comes to my choice in womyn. And I have my friend Mel to thank for that. It's true, the older you get the pickier you get when it comes to matters of the heart. No longer can I use my age to be young and naive. I know better now.

Family. I love them so much. No matter what bad shit happens between family I know that with time and love all issues can be worked through. My relationships with my sisters(& sister nieces) have had the opportunity to strengthen and it continues. I have quality friends whom I consider to be my family too. Greg & Ui I will always have much love for them and their wonderful families. I am truly blessed to be loved by my amazing family & friends.

Taking charge of my life has been rewarding and can be difficult too. I look forward to a better stronger future. Living in the now to ensure my happiness.


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One Fine Day

I dream to be a Mom :)...oh and maybe a wife! But I won't hold my breath for the wife bit.

My beautiful grandniece Elani <3


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Ana Unplugged?

Lately I've been thinking about just having an email and blog account. Yes I'm talking about deleting my Facebook, Twitter, and any other online social network I may be a member of. So far I've deleted my Bebo, Myspace, and Hi5 accts. There may be more out there but I'm not sure? Why the delete frenzy?I just feel like I need to spend less time online and more time physically outside and engaged in an activity. I'm planning to learn to paddle board. I'm told it's great for your core balancing. I'm keeping my blog because it's my most current journal and I love reading my family and friends entries. Email is for business and friends too. Other than that I believe my hardest letting go will be Facebook. I have so many photo albums and I need to make sure I have those pics available to print. So it maybe the last acct I get rid of. I just know I've gotta switch things up in my life for better and happier results. Disconnect is definitely coming soon...



Goodbye

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Location:Depths of my Soul

Bulletproof

I'm quietly waiting for my boat ride home to Catalina. This week has certainly been an education. Lots of love & tears I'm emotionally drained in need of rejuvenation and focus, which I know how exactly I will obtain this balance. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't change a single thing that happened. It is through the events of this last week I return home a stronger womyn. I'm blessed to be surrounded with beautiful, talented, strong womyn both family and friends. My heart is all mine and I will hold and protect it more than ever. Those I share it with are my sisters, family, and close dear friends.











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Family starts with Love

These past couple months I've been blessed to focus working on my relationships within my own family. I have much love and admiration for all my siblings and their children. I've learned that life's many challenges, though overwhelming at moments, with time and love, relationships can be renewed and strengthened. I've attended anniversaries, birthdays, graduations, and most recently welcoming my 12th grandneice into the world. These events are priceless and I look forward to more.



Bunz & Elani


My Grands



5 of 10


Sibs



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Journals

Today I've been unpacking more of my things. I came across my old journals and couldn't help but read some of my old entries... Hahaha I'm Hilarious...

My most recent journal :)






My all about me journals at age 21 & 27. The all about us is Nikki & my relationship.






This is a very special journal I recieved from my bestie Raija on my 26th bday. I think of it as my transformation journal :)





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Location:Home

Johnny Polygon

Caught a show last week when I was in town. The openers were not my cup of tea. But the wait was worth watching Johnny Polygon perform. He's a talented artist and I hope to hear more of him in the future :)

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Location:Santa Monica

Divine 29

5 days of celebrating my bday ;) Spa treatments, chilling with my Murrieta Family, watching my Phoenix & Lylah, watching Goth recieve his grand prize award at the Asian Film Festival, Johnny Polygon show, & FAMILY time :)

My favorite cake the Paradise Cake from King Hawaiians Bakery ;) yum yum!

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Location:Catalina Casa

To Everything...

"Turn turn turn
There is a season
Turn turn turn
And a time for every purpose under Heaven"

Waking up I realize this is my last day being 28. So in true Ana fashion Im making this a peaceful day of reflection. I feel so thankful and blessed with the wonderful and loving family/friends in my life. I am surrounded by beauty and positivity here on Catalina. Today I am pondering over the following quote.

"Change is life. Growth is optional. Choose wisely."
-Karen Kaiser Clark

I'm so looking forward to the future :)



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Location:Alberta's Couch

Happy Anniversary

My Brother & Sister




Ominae and Margie are here on island celebrating their 25th Wedding Anniversary :) I'm so glad to see them. Last night a party of 5 of us went to dinner to celebrate. I love making good memories here,

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Location:Catalina Island

One of them days...

I had a great chill Friday :) love these kind of days. I was blessed to catch up with loved ones, organize my home, and just be. Life is so good :)





This is the quote I've been pondering today:

"If we rely on others to fulfill us, then we become chained by our attachment to their actions and may try to subvert their will.
Freedom comes from being fulfilled from within, being fulfilled by the beauty of this world around us."

Thank you Oracle ;)


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Location:Home

If I were a Boy...

I'd never cut it as a guy! I love my boobs too much :) lol

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Pasty Cline Moment

I fall to pieces
Each time I see you again
I fall to pieces
How can I be just your friend

You want me to act like weve never kissed
You want me to forget, pretend weve never met
And Ive tried and Ive tried but I haven't yet
You walk by, and I fall to pieces

I fall to pieces
Each time someone speaks your name
I fall to pieces
Time only adds to the flame

You tell me to find someone else to love
Someone wholl love me, too, the way you used to do
But each time I go out with someone new
You walk by and I fall to pieces


I woke up this morning with
a picture text message from my ex. I've been doing so good with not contacting her and moving on with my life. But my defense is weak and this song crept into my heart to crush it some more. I believe it was a group text so I'm just going to buck up and keep on trucking. I just wanted to write this out of me...letting go now.


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Location:The Couch

Beyonce & Shakira

Ever since I watched the music video Beautiful Liar I've wanted my body to look like Beyonce's or Shakira's. I find them to be gorgeous women :)

This morning pandora played Beautiful Liar on my way to Exercise class and I was reminded of my goal. I feel like I sweated the most ever today because all I was focused on were my end results. I'm pumped and totally stoked to continue on my healthy journey. I want my body to be smokin hot, I'm talkin scandalous sexiness ;) I've got some serious working out and eating right to do.


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How to...

Wikihow has been my go to read when bored or pondering lifes many mysteries. It's a site that I could call my own personal bible besides google. As of lately I've been reading up on self beautification tips, self empowerment, pretty much anything that I think about I type in and see if there's some tips to be shared. I feel like i'm moving in the best direction for myself. It's not easy, but it's definitely worth it.







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Location:The Internet

Dreamless Nights

Last nights festivities.


I never thought I'd drink alone and enjoy it. I realize that not only do I enjoy drinking in solitude, I prefer it. I love a nice buzz before bed, which leads to some solid sleep. Happily I rise from a dreamless slumber and that is good for me. I don't want sweet dreams or nightmares, I'm quite capable of creating both while awake. I don't like beers or wines. I'll stick to my pretty drinks filled with a bagillion empty calories...I make sure to eat less and workout harder when I have a prior day of drinking :) So life is what it is and I'm moving along.


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Sweet Dreams

I cannot sleep
I fear sweet dreams that await me.
Waking up to the nightmare
I know as reality.
A life without you.
A life without hope.

Let me fade into the light of the sun.
Drown in rains cold tears.
Lost in the mist of despair.
Suffucate me with love in the air.
Pierce my soul with the blue moonlight.
Stars shine down upon my brokenheart

I offer up my life with a wish
To silence all my pain & sadness
I've grown tired and can no longer move on.
Ive given my all and now i'm done.
I am void empty alone
In need of an eternal home
Not to be loved or judged
Just to be
Quiet still dark
Death please come quickly











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Location:My Bed

My Heart

My heart is in my smile
Hoping to brighten
The darkest of trials

My heart is in my hands
Waiting to help
Whenever I can

My heart is in my feet
Willing to walk
Through whatever life brings

My heart is Me
Filled with all my love, hopes,
and dreams

AEA 4/9/10






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Location:In bed

Love to Work

Yes my lil sultry pose :) just chillin at work keeping busy with massages. I love where I work. I love the ladies I work with. I'm so grateful to be where I am physically, mentally and spiritually in my life :) my day was beautiful :)

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Location:My Heart

I Forgot

Some habits are hard to break! For example this morning an older gentleman stopped me as I was walking and asked if I was from Colorado. I told him no and that the Colorado sweater I was wearing was my girlfriends. He awkwardly replied oh and went about his way. Leaving me to remember "ex" girlfriend. Being single does have it's benefits, but sometimes and especially right now I miss having that special someone.







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Location:Mean streets of Avalon

April Fools Day

I wish I could say that I pulled off the ultimate prank but alas I have not. If anything I'm the fool :) I accidentally locked myself out of my sisters house this morning. Trying to push the door open I broke the bottom corner window of the door. The good news is I was able to unlock the door. The bad news is now I have to pay to get it fixed. Just another bill to add to my many. I called my sister to let her know what I had done. I had to start off with " I know it's April fools day but ..." We're good but snap I gotta be more focused and aware! Life can be so expensive... The lyric from mo money mo problems keeps coming to mind.

Did I do that?... Dammit I sure did!!! I can see my $$$ flying away! And damn I need a pedicure stat!


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Location:Catalina

My New Ride

JoiBella is her name... our beautiful joy ride :)


There she is parked in her spot! Purchased today by Alberta and I. She's just what we need :) what a wonderful productive day. Exercised this morning, bought a golf cart, kept busy with massages, definitely enjoyed the great weather and totally looking forward for whatever tomorrow brings my way!

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Location:Catalina Island